Nothing can touch the bliss I feel.
Even as we’re thousands of feet in the air flying home, a sense of peace has settled in my bones and I’m luxuriating in it like a bath.
For the past four months, I’ve felt eerily lost.
I thought that because my business had finally reached a certain level of success, I’d never feel this way again.. It seems, though, that no matter where you are on the journey, there are still stretches of discomfort where creativity dries up, utter exhaustion sets in, and the cash that flowed freely before, starts to slow.
I’ve been patiently surrendering into this barren void and like a desert adorned with tumbleweed, I’ve let myself blow about, waiting for the sweet moment when the rain comes and I feel alive again.
Thankfully, it came a week ago—while I was in Cabo, tucked into the side of a mountain and moving slowly across a bright blue swimming pool that was perched before a vast expanse of the Pacific. The sun beat down upon my head and far below, I could hear the giant waves crash onto the beach.
Just a few days earlier, Jon and I had arrived in Cabo to visit his family. It had been a swirl of Spanish and sunshine. We spent the days sipping pina coladas by the pool and at night, we’d pile into his parents’ suite, where I’d trade language lessons with his cousins.
On one particular morning, I woke up early and slipped down to the pool. The staff were moving quickly to open the umbrellas and a few of the guests were already scattered beneath their circles of shade.
I waded into the water. Mmmm, absolute bliss.
As I flipped onto my back, a question soared through my mind: How can I feel this way all of the time?
There was a blank pause and then like lightening, clarity cracked into consciousness.
I saw myself sitting in a beautiful old farmhouse, somewhere on the edge of an island, tapping away at my keyboard—a novel pouring onto the page.
I saw myself in Bali, hosting a small retreat with a handful of brilliant women—the adventurous start to a six month 1:1 Coaching mastermind.
I saw myself working with powerful, committed Clients for six month and year long contracts.
I saw myself living with depth and presence—away from the online world that has become saturated with the same people and the same messages.
My whole body vibrated with pleasure.
THIS. THIS felt SO good.
Then, a laugh escaped my lips. Wait a second—these SAME desires had made their debut months before, when I was in Santa Monica at Rich Litvin’s Coaching Intensive. These same desires that I vowed to put into action upon returning home. These same desires that I quickly let fade as I fell back into a life where big visions come second to short-term survival goals.
Another wave of clarity broke the surface—no wonder why everything felt so hard. When I went to Santa Monica, I expanded into a whole new level of being. I saw what was possible and where I was meant to go. And for the past four months, I’d done nothing about it.
In case you didn’t know, the Universe will not support you in minimizing yourself.
I realized in that moment that the longer I put off making my BIG vision a reality, the longer I would struggle.
I floated around the pool and then I made a decision.
Upon returning home, I was going to take a break from creating Clients. I’d increase the hours at my part time job. And then I’d take a long hard look at what I really wanted and go DO THAT {from a place of less pressure and more freedom}.
I knew that certain things {opportunities/people/Clients} would fall away, but even that couldn’t shake the peace that washed over me like a wave.
I had received my next step.
And like a cracked, barren desert after rain, I felt alive again.
Even now, this delight still courses through my veins.
I see that the Universe, in its divine and mystical way, has provided me with an opening—an opening to STOP playing small and breathe life into the BIG VISION I saw for myself at the Intensive.
It’s time for me to pivot away from the short-term goal of filling my practice and focus instead, on the BIG dreams that I thought a full practice would enable me to do. So often, we get caught up in thinking: “I’ll do this when…” I’m ready to break that programming and let the pieces scatter in the wind.
Rather than feel scared, ashamed, or worried, I feel nothing but gratitude right now.
Even when the foundation starts to crumble, there’s still meaning if you choose to see it. What has felt like being lost has simply been a shedding of the old to make way for the new.
While I won’t be falling off the face of the earth completely, things will definitely be changing.
For starters, I’m taking a break from creating Clients and I’m going part-time with my Coaching hours {meaning I’ll be taking on fewer 1:1 Clients and simplifying other revenue streams}.
I’m also debating how I want to spend my time online, particularly in my free community. What felt good before now feels heavy—like a chore, rather than light and fulfilling.
While there’s still a lot to mull over, what I do know with certainty is that I’m ready to prioritize writing. I’m ready to prioritize crafting the details of my Bali program. And I’m ready to prioritize building relationships with the brilliant Clientele who will MOST benefit from working with me.
This is where I choose to spend my time.
This is how I’ll live my bliss.
This is my next step.
Clarity in Cabo. In a real life desert, I found my rain.
With light, love, & bliss,
-Kayla
Words & Wisdom
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