I thought I was coming to Bali to work.
It turns out, this couldn’t be more far from the truth.
Here in Bali, life is different.
“Ati ati” is a phrase I learned from one of my Balinese drivers. It means “slow ride” {according to his translation}. When he taught me this phrase, we were on our way to Canggu and he was referring to road speed, but I took it to mean something deeper.
“Ati ati,” I repeated to myself, looking out over the vivid green of the rice fields rushing past.
Slow ride. Slow ride indeed.
Here in Bali, there is nowhere to get to—there is only THIS moment to experience. There is an undeniable energy of PRESENCE.
It’s so omnipresent that you can’t help but tap in and let it swallow you up.
I’ve hardly written.
Or contemplated what’s next.
I’ve hardly accomplished ANY of the work I set out to do.
Shifting gears from living in a Western world to “ati ati” has been awing. It is beautiful and frightening what arises within you when your only intention is devoted to the marrow of the moment; when your one task is to BE WITH the experience in front of you.
When there’s space to breathe, pay attention to what shows up.
Last Thursday, at the Pyramids of Chi, I lay on a waterbed with eyes shut tight, waiting for the LSV sound healing session to begin. I had no idea what to expect, but I kept an open mind and an open heart.
As the colors and patterns swirled behind my eyes, I fell into the in-between. I wasn’t awake, but I wasn’t asleep either.
It was in this place that they came to me.
I saw them like ghosts—relationships lost and the hurt that lingers.
Sadness hit me like a ton of bricks.
And it hasn’t left since.
It’s following me around…
On the dance floor of a club.
In a conversation with one of my many new friends.
In the songs that play in the shops, the cafes, Titi Batu.
The truth is: My heart hurts.
And it’s been like this for a really long time. Whether I “think” I’ve moved on {from a person, from the pattern}, the body knows better. There’s sadness in my bones.
I thought I was coming to Bali to work, but I’ve actually come here for me.
I’ve come to BE present.
To learn how to BE WITH an amazing experience that I created.
To heal and look at things I’ve been covering up.
While I don’t know what’s in store over the next three weeks, I do know that the path is being lit.
And every moment and person that crosses it, is another light along the way ✨
With love & presence,
-Kayla
DOWNLOAD THE FREE GUIDE NOW ➳
