On Saturday, I was biking to the Chedraui when I saw a giant butterfly trembling in the street.
I pulled over to scoop up paper wings in my palms.
I knew death was near and I couldn’t bear for this magnificent creature to be torn to shreds by the bustle of life.
I carried her to the forest, where I laid her to rest and thanked her for blessing the world with beauty, if only for a little while.
The next morning, I saw the same kind of butterfly, not once, but twice, on my ride to the playa. Giant wings shimmered iridescent blue and brown as they floated, very much alive, on the wind.
Could this be one of Spirit’s whispers?
My mind wandered back to Saturday evening, when I had to have a really hard conversation with someone I care about. It was the kind of conversation I would have shied away from in the past—the kind that marks the death of one phase // way of being and the birth of the next.
Part of why I agreed to come to Mexico with Ryan {a virtual stranger at the time} was to service my own growth. I will forever be a stand for growth through adventure and the breakthrough I’m currently working on is FULL BLOWN SELF-EXPRESSION, especially in relationship.
On the first day, I asked Ryan if he would be up for using this trip and our relationship as a container for growth.
To my surprise, he didn’t look at me like I had three heads—he looked at me with awe and a resounding YES.
Rather than navigate a new relationship from unconscious patterns of behavior, we we were both a YES to bringing all of the ways we know we relate {and want to be related to} to the table.
As a result, I’ve had some of the most exciting and most uncomfortable conversations I’ve ever had with a man. I’ve gone about creating relationship in a totally new and different way.
And, I’m never going back.
Each week, Ryan and I sit down to check in. We review our individual goals for the trip, how we can support one another to meet them, and how we’re showing up with each other.
It’s really quite magical—to be so open and raw and purposeful with another.
Through these regular meetings, Ryan has become an ally for me in generating my breakthrough. He consistently stands for me to express my true feelings, even and especially when, it feels like pulling teeth.
Through the safe space we’ve created, I’ve noticed something occurring—for quite possibly the first time, the chains of people pleasing a male human are falling away and I am sharing exactly how I feel, even when I know it’s something he’d rather not hear.
For some, this may not be groundbreaking, but for me, I am accessing the power of Sovereignty and Womanhood in a way I haven’t accessed before.
What started in Bali as a call to work on who I be in relationship has come full circle.
The concepts I’ve been learning; this breakthrough—they are no longer insights or potential, they are woven into the fabric of me. They’ve found life through my expression.
Just as those beautiful butterflies pointed to, I am experiencing a Death and a Rebirth.
There has been a shift from one form to the next.
While I’ve chosen, and expressed, not to create a romantic partnership with Ryan, I see our experience as an opening to shift how I date and call in my person.
I also feel this experience deepening my work and how I serve my Clients.
All of this only became possible because I chose to take that first scary step; because I refused to hide the depth of who I am and what I want.
The experience of life you crave is only possible once you fully own it.
And only then,
once you fully choose to create it.
It will be hard.
And messy.
There will be Death.
But most definitely, Rebirth will be worth it.
With love & spirit,
-Kayla
P.S. If you’re craving to deepen in your life, specifically in regards to your purpose, the presence you have in the world, and/or your partnerships with others, let’s have a conversation 💜✨
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