It’s quickly becoming a tradition to pull out my lap top on the flight home from LA and sift through the weekend.
This year, my reflection will be different. Putting transformation to words is difficult. It’s not the same as filtering information and spitting it back out.
This is heart, not head.
Going into the Intensive, my breakthrough was LIGHT. So, throughout the weekend, I wore the lens of light—I showed up as all of me. It was uncomfortable at times, but it was also surprisingly easy. If it took me a year to warm up, this year was my year to shine. And as a result, I found a home that runs deeper than any home I’ve ever found before.
These are my people <3
Consciously practicing exuding my essence {turning the volume way, way up on peace, connection, joy, spirit, and leadership}, allowed something interesting to happen. For the first time in a long time, I felt what it was like to BE ME in the presence of others.
How often do you hear that? BE YOU.
But how often do you FEEL IT?
“Nothing ever becomes real til’ it is experienced.”
John Keats wrote that and he knew what he was talking about.
I found myself not bending or shifting or changing who I am. I shed the invisible skin of the chameleon to reveal what I look like underneath. I took up space and asked for support. I noticed when I felt like I was being too much and I noticed again when my Ego gently tapped me on the shoulder, asking me to shrink back down. I DIDN’T.
The truth is, people are either going to like you or they’re not.
I think I’ve been afraid of disappointment. When there’s something I want, I WANT IT. And much of my chameleon-ness comes from figuring out who I need to be to get it.
SCREW THAT. Why can’t you have both? What if you can be who you are AND have what you desire? I am worthy of both. More than worthy of both. And if it doesn’t work out, at least I didn’t compromise myself.
Among other things, I was sharply reminded to trust my intuition and to trust where I’m being pulled to.
I felt desire like I haven’t felt it in a long time.
Desire so smoldering, it nearly burned me up.
I took in feedback on how to carry myself as a Leader. I stood taller; more open. I owned my radiance. I mastered my presence by choosing it consciously. I AM powerful beyond measure and I am up to/will always be up to BIG THINGS IN THE WORLD. People know it, even when I forget.
I remembered that my gift is being a community enhancer, not necessarily a community builder. I’m reliable to help people feel welcome, safe, connected, and loved.
And yes, all of this from an event that’s focused on “creating clients.”
It’s funny, but I’m realizing that I didn’t go for my business this year—I went for myself. And this is the year I will never be the same.
Rich said, “service is the best seat in the house” and that’s the truth. While in service of others, I am in service of myself. It’s always been that way—at least for me.
And now, as the plane stretches between coast to coast to bring me home, I recall last year when I went into hiding. FOR MONTHS afterwards. I came back so small and constricted.
This time around, I’m opening up. I’m a little scared that the magic will fade, that the feelings will flee, but such is life. And even when the feelings do flee {because they’re feelings}, the magic will always be a part of me.
Once you know it, you can access it.
Once you feel it, there’s no going back.
With light, love, and freedom,
-Kayla
Words & Wisdom
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